Today I woke up in a great mood! I had to clean but I was doing it joyfully while listening to music. I started wondering if the twenty year old family member, who mows my yard, was going to arrive. It has been three weeks since he had last mowed, and we have had an unusually large amount of rain, so it needed it. I decided to call, and I realized as we talked that he had not even thought about it, but he said that he would figure it out. About an hour later he called and in an angry and resentful voice he said “is it raining there, because it is raining here, and I do not want to drive all the way out there if it is going to start raining? There is nothing I hate more than to be mowing in the rain.” I immediately became defensive, feeling like I have given him an opportunity to earn money, and selling his service to two other neighbors, I also feel a little responsible. It has always been a struggle to get him to come, and when he does arrive, he does not seem to care about the job that he has done. He just rushes through with the effort of a man who would rather be anywhere else, and wants to see how quickly the job can be done, and be out of here.
When I got off the phone my mind started wandering to other things that make me mad, and it was not just about the mowing or this person. My mind was racing out of control and every wrong that had been done to me, every negative person or event, and every fear that I had, was springing up! Then all of a sudden, I did something different, I said wait! This is not the day I want. This is not the relationship I want with this person. This is not the attitude that I want! What happened, and how can I change this?
So I started thinking… that here I am trying to do him a favor and he may be thinking that he is doing me one, and by doing something out of obligation he has become resentful, and now, so have I. If instead of trying to help, if I would of allowed him to find his own way, and live his best life, he may have chosen to do something that he enjoyed, or at least felt grateful for. Instead he became angry, then I did. In the past I would of continued to be angry around all who I became in contact with today, which would of affected them, and then this single act of two people who were trying to help one another, would of instead spread anger. So, I gave myself an attitude adjustment, and when he arrived I told him thanks for coming, that the next mow would probably the last of the season, and that he should do all yards to perfection, and then for him to possibly tell everyone that this would be his last year of mowing. That he needed to find and do what brought him joy! He agreed, and said that he had told himself that last year, but yet he still mowed. Which confirmed to me my assumption as to why he was resentful.
So I hope you get where I am trying to lead you… that when we do what is best for ourselves, we bring joy to our lives and to those around us. Then the joy grows and grows and grows, and that is what we all really want! …and spreading joy, that is what is best for the world!
Just a thought!
Love, Goldi
Goldilocks Blog
Searching for the perfect life in a perfect world…
