I feel a surge of love, goodness and hope! It is funny how thoughts can do that to you. Lately I have been having a hard time writing something that I wanted to publish on my blog. My original vision of my blog was to always put inspirational words on it, acts of good will, and thoughts on how we can live a better life, but sometimes it is hard. Sometimes I feel like I am being a fraud, because I do not always feel so up. Today I have been contemplating committing to an expensive writing retreat. It is what I want to do so bad. I feel it in every bone of my body that this is what I want to do. I have told you before that I see my life as a traveler, blogger, writer, and also of a person just living in peace at home with family, with friends, and in nature. My fear today is that I should not spend that money. That it may be wrong to spend that money on a dream, and as I am writing this, a revelation has come to me. That if I do not do it my dream may not happen. It may start a chain of events that limits me and keeps me filled with doubts. Other opportunities may appear that seem safer. I may take that road, and then may not come back down this road for years or ever…
My original reason for writing the blog was to get me writing. To help me to communicate with others, to feel heard, and to keep myself pumped up with positive words. I had felt myself slipping deep into a depression that I needed to get out of. I wanted to feel that someone was listening. I wanted to have hope, and it worked! I feel so much better. Down days I look at my blog and read the inspirational words that I need to remember and it has brought me back.
So I am going to do it. I am going to spend that money because the vision of myself not doing it, make my heart feel like it is breaking. It seems that if I don’t do this, life would be unbearable, and yet while doing it makes me feel excited and hopeful, it also feels reckless. Reckless at a time in our economy and in my life where future income is an unknown factor, that the money should be save for food, housing and debts already incurred. Not doing it leaves me in that self defeating downward spiral with no hope, and no happiness which I think will lead me to all the places that I do not want.
So I am going to continue this Goldilocks experiment of having the perfect life and living it in a perfect world. I will not be pushed by my fear! I will lead with my dreams, and I hope you do the same! Cheers to our success!
Just a thought!